Black Pearl
by Kuroi Tenshi
Summary: A forgotten memory resurfaces in Heero's mind


# BLACK PEARL

A Fanfic by Kuroi Tenshi

Date: 1/11/01

Type: Angst/POV/Deathfic

Disclaimer: The cute GW boys do not belong to me (boo-hoo). This story, however, belongs to me.(smirk!) a nice, clean disclaimer can be found at the bottom.

Love letters at: okita5@yahoo.com

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That afternoon was forever lost behind walls of steel and blood. Locked in the little box that holds all those things that seems hopeless, never to see the light again. But when the sun is setting on an era, and the time to move on is there, all that is left is just that. The buried dreams and memories of the one that once was me, before I became the infamous Heero Yuy.

And I don't really remember when I stopped being me and started to function as this person, this identity. All of them: Relena, Zechs, Treize, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei and Duo; they never knew him. The one who wasn't this murderous terrorist, workaholic, emotionless drone. They never met him, never heard him cry himself to sleep, never worry about those he cared for. No. They never saw him there, looking back at them, wondering if that would be their last mission.

They never met the real me.

It's a full moon tonight. I like coming out at night, sitting on the balcony and letting the air touch my face. It's better than the heavy smoke back in L1. Why I try, I don't know, maybe I'm dumber than I think, but I keep going back in my mind, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Of his family, if he had any. I know he had family. He didn't just come out of anything. The pictures of a black pearl are imbedded in my mind, and I know it doesn't belong to me. Vessel of stolen memories. That's what I am. "Heero Yuy", "Pilot of Wing Zero", "Commemorated War Hero", "Yuy"…"Hee-chan"………………no names, no titles can fill me. Heero Yuy died a long time ago…and so did I.

But what's familiar to me? Ask any person to tell you their childhood memories and they will tell you stories of games of hide-and-seek, riding bikes, scrapes and falls, treehouses, summer camp. All I can tell you are procedures on how to arm and disarm semi-automatics in less than 2 min. blindfolded along with an impressive list of custom made computer viruses. I wasn't bred on milk, but raised on blood. The blood of many, which had others, that maybe cared for them, or awaited their return. 

I always wondered about that after I killed them. Maybe I would have been more compassionate if someone gave a fuck about me.

I bet that's why dr. made sure to treat me like shit.

But tonight, I lay my cards on the table. The moon seems to mock me. She doesn't think it will be any different. That I will end up shooting something out of frustration and go beat up my laptop with furious typing. But on this night, I can see clearer into his mind. I don't know why. Every year on this night, for the past 13 years, I feel this overwhelming pain in my chest and think I'm going to burst into crying. I smell faint violets and there are only bushes here. I see the setting sun of a rainy afternoon and it's barely March. And for a second..or maybe more, I see everything through the eyes of someone innocent, fragile and pure.

I guess this is what happens to soldiers like me, when there is no war anymore. When we are useless. After being trained for battle ever since I have sense of consciousness, I am finally done. But who cares, right? Everything is done for. 

Only there was a deep void inside of me. The rain dried up and left a desert in me.

Only he remained. And showed me the images once more, the smells, the touch, slim fingers through my hair. Someone holding me close to their chest. I listen to the heartbeat cry helplessly. 

I knew there were no flowers.

Or farewell kisses.

Only a black pearl, that slid down her face, and died in the puddle of that afternoon rain. 

The rain that dried ups and left a desert in her heart.

I glance up at the moon and smirk victoriously. She only smiles, lighting up the tear on my face. The war may be over, but the battle inside me has just begun.

I can only hope you can protect me this time.

Sayonara, okaa-san.

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Author's note: *sigh* I know this is kind of crazy, but I was in a sad mood I guess, and listening to some tunes alike in substance…aaaand bored to death, perfect combo for twisted little things like this to come out. Sorry if it seems too much like Heero-torture! *bows in apology* Oh well, hopefully something more cheery will come along. Till then!

Kuroi Tenshi=:)

Full Disclaimer:

**Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing** is trademark and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated companies. The characters are used without permission for entertainment purposes and of completely no profit at all. Original portions of this work belong to the author.


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